Mood:  lazy
Topic: Surrealism
I don't buy anything that claims to reduce network downtime across my small business. I don't buy innuendo-laden postcards from popular British holiday destinations. I don't buy royal jelly. I don't buy USB mice from Poundland. I don't buy the famous vibrating bum-faced goats as depicted in back copies of Viz from yesteryear, nor giant electronic floating nude celebrities. I don't buy covers of Queen songs by McFly. I don't buy Tetris-themed cakes. I don't buy musical instruments made from tortoiseshell or any food containing cochineal. I don't buy vulgarly-shaped Post-It Notes.

Mood:  lyrical
Topic: Paraphernalia

I don't buy anything with High School Musical or High School Musical 2 emblazoned thereupon. No, not even the novellas, the pencil cases, record bags, lunchboxes, Easter eggs or indeed the celebratory cake tin and tea towel/apron/oven glove set. Just no.

 

Dammit. 

Mood:  incredulous
Topic: Quality
I don't buy Asda Rose Vin de Pays d'Oc. It tastes of ming.

Topic: Surrealism
I don't buy amusingly-shaped lamps. I don't buy any sort of Bratz paraphernalia. I don't buy pasta dishes that involve tomato. I don't buy overpriced 'themed' Mr. Potato Head toys (Optimash Prime, indeed?) or subsidiary products. I don't buy clavichords (not after that last incident). I don't buy anything pertaining to the American Civil War. I don't buy DVDs of extreme police car chases. I don't buy tickets to tribute band concerts. I don't buy The Bunny Suicides books. I don't buy the rights to vast numbers of well-known pop songs then refuse to let any radio station play them on air. I don't buy Bounce-Toss-'n'-Tickle-Me Elmos. In fact, I don't buy anything whose title includes 'n' instead of 'and'.

... The Sims 2 Bon Voyage
Mood:  irritated
Topic: Quality
Well, actually, I did, but I was quite disappointed by it. *Refuses to buy it again.*

Long time no see
Topic: Why 'I don't buy'?
I last visited this blog about 2 years ago and for some reason I had the urge to revisit it.

Mood:  lazy
Topic: Surrealism
I don't buy:

-Portable duck covers;
-Lecture theatres;
-Spectacles made by Red or Dead (if I want to look like that I'll glue re-entry shields to my face);
-Self-improvement books (still haven't got round to reading The Procrastinator's Guide to Success);
-Logarithm tables;
-Rudely-shaped pasta;
-Crockery that looks like Peter Falk of Columbo fame.

Mood:  incredulous
Topic: Paraphernalia
I don't buy anything with Wayne Rooney on it. Not even the 2005 Annual. Oh, yes. Somebody actually printed one.

In my day you had a Dandy or Beano annual, or maybe Look-In, or something to do with your favourite toy, and you were glad of it. They'll make an annual of anything if it stands still long enough. And if that makes me sound like an old git, then tough.

Rooney, indeed. What next? The Chavs Annual 2005? With Burberry-effect cover?

Mood:  hungry
Topic: Performing Arts
I don't buy charity CDs involving Chris Martin - just what were they thinking when they released the latest Live 8 CD? Hmm?

Mood:  irritated
Topic: Quality
I don't buy parking permits in Bangor, Gwynedd. What a rip-off. I had to keep topping up so that my car didn't get clamped. Our town has abolished parking charges because it was killing off local commerce. Half of the shops in Bangor are either boarded up or on their last legs. ARE YOU LISTENING?